Winter Doldrums

It’s been a very wet winter in my neck of the woods.  This is a good thing, as we are in the midst of drought.  And while the drought is not considered “over,” the rain that has come and is yet to come is all to the good.
Still, riding is different – and difficult – in winter.  Mud is like clay here, so staying off the trails is a wise choice.  I don’t have a way to get to other trails that are rideable.  Our arenas are swimming.  So, we are often restricted to the indoor arena; and while I’m grateful to have it, it is often crowded and the footing isn’t great.  Not my favorite place to ride.
No, that’s wrong. The real reason it’s not my favorite place to ride is because I’m not as good a rider as I’d like to be.  Others ride in there with no problem.  Angel has no problem in there when Rod is riding him.  That leaves only me with the problem.  I feel off-balance and cautious, imposed upon, clumsy and vulnerable.  I usually feel like that to some extent, but these feelings intensify during winter.  My temper is short, and I find myself yelling at Angel.
Not surprisingly, Angel has been reflecting that back to me.  He’s too noble to be a brat about it, but I see it in little things.  We haven’t been in sync.My opinion of myself seems to be central to how I live and move in the world.  Not in an egotistical way or a “me first” kind of way, but if I think badly of myself, and if I treat my neighbor as myself (whether horse or human), well, there you go.

I don’t know the way out of that yet, but I think a healthy dose of humor and humility might go a long way toward bringing peace to all my relationships.

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